


Cosmic Cataclysm

by twinflamedfest



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, implication of sexual act, sehun or luhan can act rather out of character from how they normally act in real life.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-08-24 11:50:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16639514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twinflamedfest/pseuds/twinflamedfest
Summary: written by hyphenaeri





	Cosmic Cataclysm

**Author's Note:**

> written by hyphenaeri

_I don’t think I can forget you_

_When the wind gets cold_

_The night our breaths touched_

_With smoke coming out of our mouths_

_We warmly held each other_

_With happy laughter_

_Nights we dreamed of a tomorrow_

_That will shine like the stars_    

 

*

Being an idol has its own ups and downs. Sehun feels grateful with the love his fans shower him with. But sometimes it can get pretty overwhelming. That’s why whenever he has a time off he’ll search a place to take a refuge, far off from the fame he has to live with.

            Lying under the sun on a secluded beach, Sehun sighs in contentment. Finally he gets the vacation he really needs. It’s only a 10 days holiday –after almost 2 years of working his ass off with no break- but nevertheless he feels grateful. The sun is up and it feels warm on his skin. He tries to take a peek of it from behind the shades his wearing but then gives up because it stings his eyes. The morning breeze and the sea smell brought by the wind make him relax and a small smile plays on his lips.

            Being the celebrity he is, he can’t let the moment go without taking a memory of it. So he sets up his phone and takes a picture with it. Satisfied with the result, he decides to take a couple more. After that he starts taking the picture of his surroundings. The sky, the sea, the sand his feet are standing on, the little white dog that run happily with his owner following him while giggling. _Cute._

            After following the boy with his eyes for more seconds than appropriate, Sehun snaps himself out of his trance. His cheeks feel warmed and he decides that he’s been under the sun for way too long. After taking one last glance towards the cute boy and his dog – _wait-_ cute DOG and his owner, Sehun walks to the water and after confirming that it’s not too cold, he goes deeper and swims.

            Finally feeling satisfied, Sehun swims back to the beach then walks when the water only reaches his calves, all the while giggling and smiling to himself. It’s been forever since he feels this free. He really should treat his manager later for arranging this for him.

            Wiping the salty water out of his face, he doesn’t notice a pair of eyes watching him in curiosity. Once he looks forward, he sees the boy from before is sitting on the sand all the while caressing the white fur of his dog. What catches Sehun’s attention though is the fact that the boy looks at him with a soft smile playing on his lips. For a moment Sehun forgets how to breathe.

            After standing there awkwardly for a few seconds, drenched from head to toe, and just staring back at the boy, Sehun finally lets out an awkward smile back at the boy. He immediately feels like an idiot after.

            “Are you on a vacation too?” The melodious voice coming out from non-other than the doe-eyed boy startles Sehun but he doesn’t let it show. “Um.” Sehun answers with a little nod.

            “Me too! This beach section is a private property of my grandpa so I’m a bit surprised to find another person here!” Sehun nods again, acknowledging the boy. It’s apparent to him that this boy has a bubbly personality. Usually it bothers him, since he has an introverted personality. He never deals well with stranger, especially a bubbly one. But somehow this boy in front of him soothes him instead. Maybe it’s a good thing to have some noise to balance the tranquility of the place.

            Sehun sees the boy patting the space beside him before he asks Sehun to sit there. Sehun complies and the smile on the other boy’s face seems to turn brighter. They just sit there in silence with the boy looking at Sehun with shiny eyes that remind sehun of a deer. Sehun chuckles softly at his own thought and he hears the boy beside him _squeals_. Sehun quickly turns his face to look at the other and what he sees is a really adorable sight. The boy gasps and quickly covers his face with both of his arms. Sehun sees the teenager’s ears have turned red.

            “U-um… I-I’m not a stalker or a sasaeng or or DISPATCH I SWEAR! B-but… I-I know you, Sehun…” He covers his whole face not daring to look at Sehun. Sehun wants to squeal at the sight especially after he looks at the way the other’s ears have turned redder. Sehun lets out a soft laugh when the deer like male suddenly gasps and opens his mouth wide as if in shock –completely forgetting to cover his face this time- and immediately exclaims “Ssi! Ssi! I mean Sehun-ssi!!” He looks borderline panicked and Sehun can almost swear that he’s never seen anything more adorable in his life before. And now thinking about it this is the first time that Sehun ever thinks someone –something even- to be cute for quite a long duration. Sehun shakes his head and decides to appease the other’s worry. But before he can do that, another thought enters his mind and Sehun tries his best to keep his smirk at bay.

            “Oh my! It’s been so long since I last had a holiday and now even in a secluded place like this, I still have to meet with a sasaeng? Are you kidding me?”

            The doe-eyed boy immediately shots up from his sitting position and stutters, “N-no! I’m not! I’m just a normal fan! I swear! I-I already arrived here f-from a week ago! I-I I r-really didn’t know that you’ll be here! I swear!” Looking at the wide eyes from the boy in front of him, Sehun can’t help but laugh. He laughs out loud and he looked so happy that the _fanboy_ in front of him can’t decide if he should worry for his own safety, worry for Oh Sehun’s safety, or to squeal because _OH MY GOSH! Is it really Oh Sehun laughing real hard in front of him right now?!_ THE _Oh Sehun!_

            Coughing after laughing too much, Sehun takes a moment to calm himself. After his breathing has backed to normal, he decides to tease the boy further. “Hmmm so you’re my fan? So all the gasping you did from before was because you can’t believe that you’re actually meeting me?”

            The amused tone doesn’t escape the boy’s hearing and he feels his cheeks warmed up. “Y-you were only teasing me before?” Sehun nods looking even more amused. “M-meanie! I thought you were really mad!” Without the boy realizes it he pouts adorably and puffs his cheeks.

            Sehun smiles. “Of course I’m not. After all you’re my fan and a really cute one at that!” Sehun says while pinching the other’s cheek softly. The boy is really shocked. Suddenly he feels the urge to run into the water and submerge himself in it because the heat is becoming too strong apparently.

            A bark breaks the strange atmosphere and the boy in front of him immediately grabs the dog he was playing with and puts him in front of his face with arms stretched out. “T-this is hunnie…” The boy’s face is completely blocked by the ball of fur in front of him, but somehow Sehun knows that the boy must be biting his lips since he wants to say something else but can’t think of anything. “He’s a cute one. Just like his owner.” Sehun says rubbing _hunnie_ ’s belly before taking him and putting him on his lap. Sehun doesn’t miss the jerks of the boy’s hands when it brushes against his.

            “Did you name him after me?” Sehun asks genuinely curious. “Y-yes. I-I hope you don’t mind.” Sehun shakes his head. “Um. He reminds me of Vivi. Ah, I miss my baby.” Sehun scratches the dog’s ear and he whines, satisfied.

            They both sit there just playing with the dog’s soft fur in a comfortable silence until Sehun decides to break it with his question. “Name.” Startled, the boy in front of him can only answer with a soft “Eh”. Sehun smiles and looks up to meet eyes with the boy –although the boy averts it shyly every once in a while- and says, “You know my name already. And I know your dog’s name. Now I need to know a name to associate with that pretty face of yours.” Sehun winks.

            The boy holds back the squeal on the back of his throat and the grin threatening to form on his face. He looks away for a second to calm down his erratic heartbeat –although it’s impossible whenever he’s reminded with the fact that he’s in the presence of OH SEHUN. After making sure that he won’t stutter (at least not too much) the boy answers him. “Luhan. My name is Luhan.”

*

            Sehun prepares himself to go to bed but as he’s lying there with his eyes closed, suddenly he remembers the event from before. After knowing the cute boy’s name, Luhan –Sehun smiles as he recalls the way it tastes on his tongue- he continues by conversing with the boy. “Deer of the dawn” Luhan said. Sehun knows right after Luhan told him his name that the meaning must be beautiful but after he actually knows it he can’t help but thinks “How suiting” (he might have said that out loud resulting in Luhan (oh how he loves to say that name) looking at him in confusion but he just shook his head and smiled. After that they discuss whatever came to their mind).

            Sehun sighs, content. He’s never one to deny himself of his emotion. So whatever this feeling that settles in his chest at the thought of a stranger boy in a private property might mean, he’ll just enjoy it. After all, he still has 9 more days to decide.

*

            Afternoon, three days after their first encounter, finds Luhan and Sehun walking side by side along the beach. Hunnie in front of them seems to be excited running around on his own. “So… how does it like to be an idol?” Luhan asks Sehun curiously. Sehun inwardly smiles because Luhan is no longer stuttering while talking with him. Somehow he finds it as an accomplishment of some sort.

            “Hmm… There are times when I feel like I’m so lucky to have so many people supporting me and loving me. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve those kinds of endless supports. I always have my fans to cheer me up whenever I’m down. Even when the media wants to put me in a bad spot, they still believe in me and support me. Whenever the schedule is tight and I feel my body aches everywhere, looking at their smile, hearing the chant of my names leaving their lips feel like a cure to me and somehow I gain my strength again. I’m so thankful.”

            Luhan looks fascinated with what Sehun says but then he quickly asks, “How’s it like during other times?”

            “Well… I have little to none privacy over my life. Sometimes I just want to keep something in the hush but the company decides otherwise. Sometimes it feels a bit overwhelming to have eyes on me wherever I go. To have someone recognizes me each step I take. It makes me feel self conscious and I become scared that I may look ugly today or I may embarrass myself somehow. Because of that sometimes I act a bit distant or even cold, but really I’m just a little insecure guy.” Sehun laughs softly but when he looks at Luhan’s expression, he pats his head. “Don’t worry. I share this burden with my hyungs. And we already know right from the start that we will face this kind of stuffs. Honestly, we should feel grateful because that means our hardwork are paid off, since there’re many people who actually recognize us nowadays. And to top it off, we always get surprised by the effort our fans give just to put a smile on our faces. It’s also a bonus to meet and interact with cute fans like you.” Sehun pinches Luhan’s cheek.

            Luhan blushes but instead of shying away from Sehun like he usually does, he looks straight at his eyes and then bows. “Thank you.” Luhan then looks at Sehun, smiling so sincerely. Sehun is baffled and he can’t help but let out a stuttered “What?”

            Luhan looks at Sehun’s eyes and somehow Sehun feels like Luhan is looking into his soul. But instead of feeling insecure, Sehun feels safe instead. He feels like he can lay out his heart for this boy to do as he pleases but he will nurture it instead. It’s a strange thing to feel for someone he only knows for four days, but he does trust Luhan.

            Luhan’s voice snaps Sehun out of his busy mind and what he says make him feel like he has accomplished what his job wants from him, giving dream. “Thank you for existing. You and your band members. But you especially, for me at least. Thank you for giving me, us, fans hope and strength to face another day. To be our role model and the motivation we need to reach our dream. Even by the end of the day we do realize that you’re not for us to own, thank you for letting us know and feel your love. Thank you for appreciating the love we give you. We love you, Oh Sehun.” A deep breath, “ _I_ love you.” And then it’s Sehun who feels like the oxygen has been taken out of his lungs.

            After saying that, Luhan turns around and runs after Hunnie, leaving Sehun whose face is as red as Luhan’s ears.

*

            After the “confession” the day before, Sehun can’t look at Luhan without a blush covering his face adorably. Sehun always blames it on the sun whenever Luhan asks why his face is so red. He thinks now he understands what his fans might feel. He can’t wrap it in his head though, how can Luhan look so unaffected already. Didn’t he just confess his love yesterday?

            Clearing his throat, Sehun asks Luhan if he wants to meet him later at night, since his hyungs have been pestering him non-stop for not calling them or giving them any sort of news. Luhan laughs and says okay. Before they part, Luhan shyly (and cutely) asks if Sehun will mention him to his hyungs. Sehun pretends to contemplate a moment and says “why should I share you with them?” to which Luhan _seriously_ answers with “Because I love them too!”

            Sehun’s expression falls and he just goes silent for a moment before he says, “Oh. So you love all of us. As a fan… Of course… Haha…” He lets out a bemused laugh. Luhan walks closer to him and suddenly rubs Sehun’s chin. Sehun makes an ugly expression and Luhan laughs, “I still love you the most, se-hun-nie!” After saying that the boy runs to his private villa (the one that’s only for family and not rented), leaving a baffled Sehun who then lefts out an amused sigh.

*

            “EVERYONE SEHUN IS IN LOVE!!!!” Chanyeol is shouting out loud and it’s really not helping (for Sehun’s case anyway) that Baekhyun who is lying beside Chanyeol decides to give a hand and starts shouting too. Not long after there’s a ruckus from the other side of the monitor and a loud bang can be heard even by Sehun who’s only present through online connection. After that, Kai’s ugly face (for Sehun anyway –well, of course he doesn’t really think that Kai is ugly but he’ll never admit it) fills the screen and their usual banter of get your ugly face out of the way- monitor starts.

            “Maknae! We’re here being pimped out and stripped on stage to satisfy the clients so we can get money for a living and yet you’re there having the time of your life fucking with a beautiful princess!” Sehun blushes. _If only the fans know what kind of a pervert this creature in front of him actually is…_ “Heh, Jongout, first of all, you’re not being pimped, you’re an idol, that’s simply your job. Second, you’re the one who decides it’ll be fucking dandy to show off your “sculptured” body. Third, they’re fans, not clients. Fourth, WE’RE NOT FUCKING! Fifth, Luhan is a man, so not a princess.” Sehun knows he must have said something “triggering” by the smirk on Kai’s face.

            “It’s nice to know that you finally come out of the closet, maknae. I’m a proud hyung! Here, an artificial hug.” The screen turns black momentarily as Kai decides that it’s not weird at all to hug a laptop –and he’s blocking the camera.

            Sehun can’t even find the strength to yell or be embarrassed by Kai’s lake of shame (and his tendency to embarrass him as well). He’s used to it by now. He can’t believe that he actually misses that guy so much –well after Vivi (not that he’ll ever admit it).

            “I don’t know that you have a kink toward unanimated object, Kai. I know that you’re weird, but even the crazy has its limit. Why don’t you have one??? I pity Kyungsoo Hyung. Or Taemin. Or Krystal. Whichever you’re fuc- ehm dating.”

            Kai’s face turns into a scowl. “Real mature Sehun. Real mature. Did you just mention about my four ultimate pairings? Oops I forgot you didn’t mention SEKAI. How could you forget our hot and forbidden relationship? Your hyung who has an Alpha knot and you’re the bottom moani-“

            “AAAAA stop stop stop. Why are you so disgusting? Really. Honestly, you sure you’re straight? Dude you’re like spaghetti. Wet it and make it hot and it’ll be flexible.”

            Kai turns serious, “do you have a problem with gay people sehunnie?” in the background Sehun can hear Chanyeol says “O-ow” while Baekhyun says, “Channie, grab a popcorn. This is gonna be interesting.”

            Sehun sighs, “I don’t have a problem with gay people. You’ll never know if you’ll turn into one. I just have a problem with your filter –if you have any.”

            Suddenly Kai smiles widely, “Oh Sehun! You can just say if you want to top! I won’t let you but I can pretend to contemplate it first! And Oh! You’re one step out of the closet by recognizing that you can be gay in the future! And then when you can’t take it anymore you can come to Hyung and I’ll be an understanding and good hyung will teach you all you need to know about ana-“

            “I’m shutting off.” Sehun says in a final tone and prepares to log off when Kai’s face is shoved off from the screen and a very excited Byun Baekhyun shows his face instead. “Sehunnie, I don’t care if you’re gay or not, I don’t care if you’re a Seme or an Uke,” he then continues in a whispery tone, “being an Uke is much more enjoyable, trust me! You can get pleasured from both sides!” he then continues in a normal tone, “But PLEASE TELL ME MORE ABOUT THE CUTE LITTLE DEER!!!”

            Sehun was about to protest but the mention of “little deer” makes him excited all of a sudden. “Hyung, you think that he resembles a deer too?! RIGHT!! And do you know what’s even more adorable??? His name means Deer of the dawn in Chinese!” They both squeal. After that Baekhyun asks Sehun to wait a moment as he surfs the internet to search for something. “OH I FIND IT SEHUNNIE! You can call him Xiao Lu! It means Little Deer!”

            Sehun actually awes at the nickname. He smiles like an idiot imagining Luhan’s expression when he calls him with that nickname. But then he remembers that Luhan said he loves all the members, although he did say that he loves Sehun the most, it still means that Luhan only loves him as an idol, right?

            “Hyung… He only loves me as an idol though,” Sehun sighs for the umpteenth time that day. “Don’t worry maknae! No fan will reject their idol being in love with them! And not if they have your face, your wide shoulder, your sebooty, and your impressive _nose_ size.” Baekhyun nods satisfied with his own conclusion and although Sehun wonders once again how come almost all of his hyungs have no shame (he can hear Chanyeol says that his _nose_ needs to be praised by Baekhyun as well in the background and Kai also says what suspiciously sounds like “what’s the use of size if you can’t use it” –that asshole- before the door is slammed), he still feels grateful because they’re his family and they can always help him lift off his worry.

            After exchanging some more words with Chanyeol and Baekhyun and asking them to tell the other hyungs that he misses them, he logs off. After that he lays on his bed, thinking of what to do later at night before sleep claims him and he drifts to dreamland.

*

            Sehun wakes up with a start. After checking the wall clock he lets out a relief sigh because it’s only 7 P.M. He decides to take a quick shower so that he’ll look more presentable to Luhan later.

            After he finishes dressing up, he picks up his phone with him to check if he has any notifications and then he heads out. He walks out of the villa and into Luhan’s. When Luhan finally opens the door, Sehun’s heart skips a beat. “Sehunnie, I think I’m coming down with a cold. Is it okay if we cancel the da- outing tonight?” Sehun suddenly feels concerned, “Of course, it’s okay! Do you need my help? Have you eaten your medicine? Have you eaten at all? Do you want me to stay?” Luhan nods immediately but after a second he shakes his head. “No, Sehunnie, I don’t want you to get infected as well. I actually wanted to go to the da- ehm outing so badly but I’m afraid that I’ll give you the cold.” After saying that Luhan sneezes (cutely if one asks Sehun).

            Sehun then takes a step forward, and another and another until he’s only a breath away from Luhan and suddenly he lifts Luhan bridal style and brings him to the nearest couch ignoring Luhan continuous rambles of “Let me down!” “What are you doing?!” “You’ll catch a cold Sehun-ah!” and quickly runs to the door to close it and runs back to Luhan’s side.

            “I think you forget that I’m an idol and I have to take care of my health. I often work out and Suho hyung always tells me to eat my vitamins. Ah also I have a pretty strong immune system right from the start. You don’t have to worry! I won’t catch a cold just by tending to a sick little deer!”

            Luhan’s expression looks comical like he wants to protest, but also half touched, half embarrassed. But Sehun holds his laughter in for the sake of convincing the pretty boy. After a while Luhan sighs and lets out a soft “Thank you” and then he takes one of the pillows to cover his face, hiding the blush adoring his cheeks.

*

For the first time after his first encounter with Luhan (which is only 5 days ago to be real honest, but he’s not having intense make out session with Luhan yet, so it feels way too long already), Sehun finally gets to have a sleepover at Luhan’s family villa. Well, it’s not really a sleepover since he has to take care of sick lu, but that’s what makes it all better! A normal Luhan is extremely adorable although he has a tendency to show off his “manliness” –sehun scoffs (no he’s not mocking Luhan, he of course appreciates Luhan’s manliness, and in the short time they have known each other Sehun has been amazed way too many times because there’s nothing, _nothing_ , that Luhan can’t do, BUT the boy should also appreciate the fact that he’s so beautiful and soft looking that Sehun is willing to be the weak, stupid, main woman character if he can get the perfect ulzzang Luhan who is everyone’s idol at the end –damn there’s no turning back, isn’t it? He’s so smitten)- but sick Luhan is like a little puppy that Sehun feels bad for Vivi because he seriously has a strong rival. Luhan becomes this red nose, paled skin, flushed cheeks submissive omega (maybe Sehun should really stop hanging around Jongin) and Sehun is more than happy to answer to his every whine and demand. Sehun makes sure that Luhan eats his soup (Sehun bought it earlier, if he were to cook it for Luhan, he’s afraid that Luhan’s stomach will have to be pumped because of food poisoning –he shakes his head off the thought) and drinks his medicine. He makes sure that Luhan is well hydrated and be as comfortable as he can possibly be in his sick condition. What Sehun doesn’t expect is that a sick Luhan is also a sensitive Luhan. So when Luhan cries Sehun is panicking.

“Wh-what’s wrong? Is it hurt? Where does it hurt? Do you want to go to a hospital?” And he can’t stop fidgeting his fingers. That is until Luhan shakes his head and let out between sobs, “don’t be so kind to me. It would be hard for me to let you go once your 10 days vacation is over.” Sehun is stunned by the confession and then he smiles softly and hugs a still sobbing Luhan.

“Shhh, it’s okay. Don’t be afraid. I won’t leave you just because my holiday is over. We’ll probably meet less since I’ll be really busy, but I’ll definitely make time for you. I know this may sound ridiculous since I just know you and all. But I… I think I love you, _Xiao Lu._ ” Sehun feels content to finally let out his feeling to Luhan. But after  a while not hearing any response –nor Lu’s sobs for that matter- he pulls Luhan out of the hug and sees the doe peaceful sleeping face and although he’s a bit disappointed that Luhan didn’t hear his confession, he lets out a soft smile and puts Luhan to sleep. He doesn’t forget to leave a small kiss on Luhan’s forehead before he cleans up all the dishes and the mess he left in the kitchen.

*

            The next day finds an energetic Luhan wakes up from his slumber. He’s no longer feeling as if he’s been run over by a car. He also remembers the way Sehun took care of him. It makes him blush but also feeling so happy and giddy. A soft snore disturbs his train of thoughts. When Luhan looks to his left he sees the most magnificent seen he’s ever had the luck to encounter. Luhan has seen the pictures of Sehun “sleeping” for photoshoots, but to see the real one up close, with no make-up or pretense makes his heart flutter. Luhan has always loved Sehun. But he never thought that he had a real chance with him. For one he’s just a fan, there’re so many fans out there who are in love with Sehun just like he does. And another reason is that he’s a man. He probably shouldn’t judge Sehun for his preference, since he didn’t know him enough to know if he’s at least bi or not. But he also knows that Sehun is an idol, and despite the crazy amount of shippers out there who probably ship him with one of his band members (who are all male), the agency would never let them to actually date someone with the same sex. They probably won’t care what goes down behind closed door, but with Luhan’s status of not being in the same group and not even belong in the entertainment world, sneaking around to meet one another and be with one another will be very difficult. In the end they’ll grow tired and their relationship will finally meet the fork in the way. The thing is, it’ll be most likely that Sehun will take a different road from what he’s taking. And there’s also an issue with Luhan…

            For Sehun it’s his holiday after 2 years off working his ass off –Sehun’s words exactly- but for luhan, this is the last “holiday” he’ll ever have for the rest of his life. His fate is sealed. He wants to rebel but Luhan does understand his parents’ wish. As much as he hates the way they bring him up till this day, he can’t help but understand them and look at it from their point of view. Sehun will never be Luhan’s future. But he still has today and another four days to delude himself in the paradise in which he is Sehun’s lover.

*

_Laughter and tears, scars and healing_

_Questions and answers, they’re all in you_

_You have my world, you’re my small universe_

_The moment it vanishes, I will disappear as well_

*

Sehun stirs awake from his sleep with a little grumble and intangible words. He stops though when his brain finally puts a face to the soft giggle that wakes him up. He smiles softly with his eyes still closed. He enjoys the tickle from where Luhan’s soft hand makes contact with his skin. He exhales slowly and opens his eyes, all the while turning himself towards the source of warm he’s feeling on his side. What Sehun sees knocks the breath out of him. He can’t understand how it can be possible for a human to look this ethereal so early in the morning. And Sehun’s in a group where all the members are admitted to be good looking. And yet none of them can surpass the beauty that is Luhan. Half conscious, Sehun puts his left hand over Luhan’s right one that’s resting on his cheek and he brings them to his lips and kisses them softly.

            Luhan blushes and feels warm all over but he doesn’t retract his hand. Instead he helps Sehun in joining their hands and greets Sehun, “good morning.” Sehun smiles and lets out a soft giggle. “It’s a _good_ morning indeed.” Everyone who can look at Sehun right now will be able to tell that he’s in love. Even Luhan. But he pushes it to the back of his mind. He’ll never assume anything before Sehun decides to tell him about it himself.

            “How’s your sleep? Are you okay already?” Sehun says reaching out his right hand to Luhan’s forehead, all the while not letting go of the hand he’s holding with his other hand.

            Luhan nods and smiles. “It’s all because of you. Thank you so much. I don’t choose the wrong bias.” That makes the both of them laugh. From there they get excited and talk animatedly about lots of things including Luhan’s OTP in which he answers as Chanbaek. And then it goes to Luhan trying to gather information from Sehun whether his OTP is real or not to which Sehun answers by giving teasing hints and pretends to be all secretive. He doesn’t forget to give the teasing wink although Luhan has to really hold his laugh in because the boy really can’t wink to save his life. All of that somehow leads them into having a tickle attack which ends with the both of them in a compromising position with Luhan underneath Sehun.

The time seems to stop and there’s only each other’s breath filling their ears. Their eyes orbit into one another, and as soft hands clasp against each other, their lips meet in a soft kiss.

Luhan’s lips being controlled by Sehun’s and somehow he likes it. All his life he has to follow orders but in Sehun he can find equality, he can see that Sehun holds respect for him that he’ll let Luhan to have the upperhand if he wishes so, and Luhan can finally really submit. In this kiss he lets go of his ego. He’s not only taking but he’s also giving. He pours all of his feeling into the kiss and Sehun answers it with as much fervor as he can.

Their lips lock in passion and longing. Sehun feels like he wants to break Luhan’s red dyed lips if it can show just how much affect the doe has on him. Sehun licks on Luhan’s bottom lips and then nibbles on them. He bits softly into the red flesh between his lips. Luhan lets out a soft moan and Sehun is desperate to hear more of it. He wants to be drowned with Luhan’s sweet moan.

Luhan is also desperate for Sehun. He never wants to part from him. Sehun is his dream and to have him in his arms feels too good to be true. With one of his hands on Sehun’s hair and the other’s on his shoulder, Luhan tries to get as much as he can from Sehun. He feels like he wants to give Sehun his everything because right at this moment nothing matters but Sehun.

Sehun sneaks his tongue into Luhan’s awaiting mouth and although Luhan has submitted completely to Sehun, he coaxes Luhan to have a battle of dominance with him. He strokes their tongue together and licks at Luhan’s cave. He tries to explore each part of Luhan’s mouth, trying to memorize his taste because something this amazing is too much for his brain. Luhan is his own taste of heaven.

After some more minutes of lip-locking and the need of air is becoming too much, they part and breathe heavily. After exploring Luhan’s face and seeing the flushed face and swollen lips, Sehun laughs in between his heavy pants. Luhan looks at him confused but then he joins him in laughing. After they finally regain their breath, Luhan looks at Sehun.

Luhan trails his finger from sehun’s forehead, eyebrows, eyes, nose, cheeks, jaws, and finally on his lips. Luhan traces it in such a trance that leaves Sehun shudders and his desire to consume Luhan whole is ignited. “Sehun… Sehun… Sehun. Sehun. Sehun… Oh my god… You’re real…” That makes Sehun chuckles.

“How can you be this adorable? Oh my God you make me want to _eat_ you!” The both of them laugh but after a while a thought crosses Sehun’s mind and suddenly he looks a bit panicky. “I didn’t just make out with an underage, did I?” Sehun asks, biting his lower lips in worry.

Luhan can’t believe what Sehun says and then laughs out loud. “How old do you think I am?” Sehun looks like he’s contemplating something before he answers, “honestly by your look alone, at first I thought you’re 16 but maybe – _I hope_ \- that you’re at least 19. I mean you’re pretty mature.” Luhan looks apologetic to Sehun and Sehun starts to really worry that he might really have molested an underaged. “I-I’m sorry Sehun-ah… I-I’m not 19…” Luhan lets out an exaggerated sigh but Sehun doesn’t acknowledge that. Not that he won’t love Luhan if it turns out that the other is really 16 years old –or worse, younger- but there’ll be a lot of complicated issue and he’s honestly afraid that Luhan’s affection for him is only driven by teenage hormones.

“I’m your hyung.”

The words aren’t registered in his head until a while later and Sehun suddenly wakes up into a sitting position and exclaims an “Eh?”

Luhan laughs. “Don’t worry. I’m your hyung Sehun-ah. Actually I’m supposed to be the one who’s worried because you’re still so young.” Sehun can’t believe what he’s hearing but it’s much better than having Luhan as an underage.

“H-how old are you actually? If you’re the same age as Jongin, then I won’t consider you a hyung!” Sehun says brattily. Luhan really loves all of Sehun’s antics so he just smiles and tells Sehun the truth. “I’m 4 years older than you, Sehun- _ah_. I’m 28.” Luhan can’t help but grin at the shocked expression that Sehun is showcasing at the moment.

It doesn’t take long though, after regaining his composure Sehun immediately smirks. “Luhan- _hyung_ , since you’re definitely not an underage, will you let me continue to defile you?”

Now it’s Luhan’s turn to be flustered. They have made out just earlier, but somehow Sehun’s question makes Luhan feeling shy. It’s as if the reality of what they are doing has finally set in but at the same time Luhan is still floating on a cloud. It makes him feel dizzy, but in a good way.

Sehun seeing the slowly rising redness on Luhan’s cheeks can’t help but to feel entranced. He loves Luhan so much. It’s crazy, he just knows Luhan for what? 6 days? But he’s already so enchanted by the man lying underneath him. Without even realizing it, Sehun caresses Luhan’s rosy cheek, making the flustered man to lock eyes with him.

Sehun’s warm gaze makes Luhan forgets about anything else. There’s just Sehun. Sehun may have only known him for a short amount of time but Luhan has been in love and supporting Sehun since day one. The bubbling feeling inside his heart for the man hovering above him can’t be held down anymore. As if to answer Sehun’s earlier question, Luhan hugs Sehun close and moves his lips to Sehun’s ear. “Only if you won’t regret it after,” whispered Luhan.

Sehun is lost but not too long for he whispers just as soft and sincere, “never.”

*

_Contrary to how I feel, painful words come out_

_I made you struggle_

_And I’m struggling too_

_Unlike my determination, nothing’s getting better_

_I always disappoint you_

_And I regret it too_

*

            10 days pass by in a blur. Before they realize it, Sehun’s holiday is finally over. Sehun has no regret since he spends what’s possibly the best holiday –scratch it- the best time of his life these past 10 days. He just hopes he has more. He doesn’t want to say goodbye to Luhan, even just for a short time. But he knows he has to, although he’s going to make sure that their parting won’t be a permanent one.

            “Luhan, you’re so beautiful.” Sehun keeps on saying that but it never makes it less sincere. Sehun is always awed by Luhan. From his laughter, his voice, his face, and his whole demeanor, Sehun loves all of it. Sehun knows he won’t ever be able to forget Luhan and everything about the older that he has managed to know from their short time they’ve spent together. But just to make sure, Sehun wants to drill the detail of how sweet Luhan is into his mind once again.

Luhan is singing beneath him. A beautiful, melodious sound as Sehun’s lips went down every curves on his body. Sehun’s enjoying every gasps the older is making everytime his hands touch a sensitive spot on Luhan’s body. Sehun enjoys the way Luhan arches his back as he pushes a part of himself in him, getting two into one. Sehun loves how Luhan cries out his name as he cries out Luhan’s at the peak of their union. Sehun loves to see the tired but beautiful smile on Luhan’s face afterward. And the sweet kisses they share as they confess their love for each other through their gaze. Sehun loves it all and he doesn’t want it to stop just because his vacation is finally ending.

Tucking some strands of Luhan’s hair behind his ear, Sehun lets his intention be known by the other. “Luhan, you make me really happy. The happiest I’ve ever been. You make me feel so lucky.” Luhan doesn’t say anything, but his gaze doesn’t leave Sehun. Sehun knows that Luhan is listening intently. “I know this may seem so abrupt considering the time but, I’m certain. I love you, Luhan.” Sehun holds his breath. He feels like a burden has been lifted from his shoulder but he can’t be relaxed until he hears Luhan’s answer. Luhan takes his time, he doesn’t look at Sehun, instead he closes his eyes.

After a few seconds, Luhan opens his eyes again and he takes Sehun’s hand that were caressing his cheek into his hand. He brings it to his mouth and kisses it so softly and full of longing. Then Luhan smiles. It’s so beautiful which makes what he says next even more painful to hear. “I can’t.”

Sehun feels his heart drops. A lump formed in his throat but he forces it down. “Can’t what, Luhan? Why?”

“I _can’t_ love you, Sehun. I’m truly sorry.” Luhan squeezes Sehun’s hand tight once before he lets it go and gets into a sitting position.

Sehun follows Luhan and gets into a sitting position himself. He can’t fathom what Luhan says. He can’t accept it just like that. Sehun may not be a genius but Sehun knows enough that Luhan is feeling the same as him. So why does he say he can’t?

“Why Luhan? Is it because I’m an idol? Did I wrong you in anyway? Did I hurt you without me knowing it?” Sehun cups Luhan’s face softly, he wants the other to look at him, explain to him why he says what he says.

As Luhan’s gaze falls on Sehun’s pained face, his eyes start to water. The doe-eyes are seconds away from drowning in tears. Looking at that pains Sehun even more. Has the magic ended? Was these past 10 days just a mere dream? An Illusion?

Luhan holds on to Sehun’s hand. “It’s not you, Sehun. It’s me. I… I’m engaged.”

Sehun feels his heart stops beating. Everything hurts. He can’t breathe. It’s too much to take in. His hold on Luhan’s face loosen. “Y-you’re joking, right?”

Luhan sensing that Sehun is going away from him, hurting because of him, tries to hold on to Sehun’s hand. “I truly wish I am, Sehun. But I’m not. I’m gonna be married two weeks from now.”

Sehun can’t feel anything except betrayal. He feels betrayed, by Luhan. By someone he comes to love so much so fast. He pulls his hand away from Luhan forcefully, as if the mere contact burns him. “You’re unbelievable.” With that Sehun leaves the bed and starts to take all his clothes littered on the ground in their haste to feel each other before reality crushed in.

Luhan is panicking. He knows how hurt Sehun must feel right now, but he wants to be selfish, for one last time. He doesn’t want Sehun to hate him. He immediately runs from the bed and slams himself into Sehun, hugging the taller one from behind desperately.

“Sehun, please don’t hate me. I don’t want it as well. I have no say in this. My parents t-they… they want it. Please Sehun, believe me. It’s you. I l-lo-“ Luhan’s ramble gets cut off by Sehun’s loud “DON’T!”

“Don’t say that. You don’t get to say that. Not after you play me. Not after you hurt me.” Sehun pulls Luhan’s arms that are encircled around him forcefully. Luhan is crying now. He knew this would happen yet it doesn’t help with the pain at all. It doesn’t help with the dread as he sees Sehun’s back moving away from him, leaving him. “Sehun, please. Listen to me, please!” Sehun can hear Luhan crying and there’s nothing more he wants than to turn around and hug him, nursing the other’s wound. But he can’t. He knows the sight of Luhan’s cries will weaken his resolve. But he can’t be the thorn in someone else’s relationship. He doesn’t want to be the third person in Luhan’s upcoming marriage. Sehun needs to leave before Luhan manages to get the full custody of his heart.

“Congratulation, Luhan. I hope you’ll be happy. Goodbye.”

*

            “OH SEHUN, I LOVE YOU!” Luhan screams at the top of his lungs as he sees the car that brings Sehun back to his actual life speeds off into the distance. Leaving their happy place. Leaving Luhan.

 

*

_These aren’t feelings that I can end_

_In just one day, with just one try_

_I feel it so much it hurts_

_Wherever you are, I’ll go to you_

 

*

 

Days turn into week. Weeks turn into month. Months turn into year. It’s been a year since Sehun left that place, left Luhan. Yet the memory of the other still haunts him to this day. He misses the other so much. Often time he’s awoken from his slumber by a dream of Luhan. Sometimes it’s about the sweet love they shared. Sometimes it’s him bursting into a wedding where he’s not invited, pulling on Luhan’s hand to runaway with him only to realize he can’t touch the other. Sometimes it’s about Luhan’s crying face. Sometimes it’s about Luhan laughing at him. Everytime he wakes up feeling miserable and in pain. It eats him away.

The other group members notice his changes. They don’t know the detail but they can guess that it has something to do with Luhan. They’re grateful that Sehun, being a professional, still does his best for the group. But his health starts to deteriorate with the little sleep and the loose of appetite. They can’t see their maknae being in pain much longer, not when they can help it.

“Sehun, go on a vacation.” Chanyeol says while giving him a plane ticket and a bundle of other papers. That causes Sehun to raise an eyebrow. “Why?”

Exasperated, Chanyeol sighs. “You need a vacation, Sehun. Your health is deteriorating. And to be very honest you’re bringing the mood down.” Sehun still looks skeptical. “Where are you sending me?” He asks as he starts to look at his ticket. “You know where.” Chanyeol says simply.

Now it’s Sehun’s turn to sigh. “Why are you sending me there? Do you want me to relive the most painful moment of my life?” Chanyeol messes his own hair in frustration. “You know it’s not true. You of all people know there is more to it than just pain.”

“What do you want me to do, hyung? Going there and remembering everything while witnessing _him_ prancing around with his spouse? Making an even more fool out of myself?!”

“No, Sehun. It’s for you to get closure!”

Chanyeol takes a deep breath. After a couple of seconds of uncomfortable silence, Sehun finally breaks it by baring his heart out to his closest hyung. “I don’t know if I can do it, hyung. He hurts me so much. But the worst part is, even with all that I still love him even more.”

Chanyeol can feel Sehun’s pain. He sits beside the younger and pats his head. “That’s why you need this Sehun. You need to face your own feelings so you won’t be entrapped by it.”

*

_I’ll search the universe_

_Until I can find you again_

_I won’t let go, even the smallest memories_

_Memories engraved in the seasons_

_They come and go several times_

_But I will still call out to you_

*

 

Sehun has spent two days in his “special place”. Fortunately or unfortunately, he hasn’t seen Luhan around. But the place itself makes him yearns for the older so painfully. He can’t deny that he regrets not letting Luhan say those three words to him a year ago. He wants to hear it, even just once. So that he knows that Luhan’s feeling to him was real. That he wasn’t just some sort of a play thing, a fling to Luhan. But what’s done is done.

 

Sehun tries to avoid Luhan’s personal villa but if he needs to face his own feelings then he needs to go there, sooner or later. There’s where they shared lots of their firsts.

 

*

 

The villa is still the same as how he remembers it but somehow it feels like it’s mocking him now. He feels so small there. But he needs to face it, so bracing himself, he knocks on the door. He waits with bated breath until someone finally opens the door.

 

Sehun doesn’t know whether to feel disappointed or relieved as the one who opens the door is not Luhan. “Who are you looking for?” asks the middle age man standing in front of him.

 

Sehun feels awkward. He certainly didn’t think things through since he never imagined he would encounter someone else other than Luhan here. “Um, I’m looking for Luhan.”

 

“Young Master Luhan? And who are you?” Sehun feels so out of place and self-conscious under the gaze of the man in front of him. “I’m Luhan’s… friend.” It tastes bitter on Sehun’s tongue. He doesn’t even know what he is to Luhan.

 

“Young Master Luhan has never mentioned your name before and he has friends especially _selected_ for him.  Are you sure, you’re his friend?”

 

Sehun can’t help but notice the “selected”. Luhan has his friends selected for him?

 

“Urm, yes. I met Luhan around a year ago? Right in this beach.” Suddenly a flicker of recognition flashed on the middle age man’s eyes. “Ah, you’re that boy.”

 

Sehun waits with bated breath as the man –who seems more like a butler?- seems to think of something. The man sighs. “It’s better for you to never visit again. Master doesn’t like when Young Master strays from the path he has chosen for him. And you’re definitely not on the equation. So don’t try to distract Young Master again.”

 

Sehun now feels really out of place. What is this? Master, young master, selected friends, chosen path? Who is Luhan actually? Now Sehun feels like he knows barely anything about Luhan.

 

“Please, I just need to talk to him once. Just one more time.” The desperation in Sehun’s voice is very evidence that the butler looks like he feels bad about what he is about to say. “I’m sorry. But I believe that it’s best if you’re not in touch with Young Master again. It’s for your own good as well.”

 

“Please, I _need_ to see him. At least for just one last time. I need closure so I can move on with my life.” Sehun is pleading now. The butler looks like he’s contemplating things before he finally sighs. “It’s not that I don’t want to let you. It’s because I can’t.” The butler then continues his speech as Sehun gives him a questioning look. “What I’m about to say can’t be spread to public and if anyone asks how you know, I have nothing to do with it. Okay?” Sehun gives a quick, sure nod.

 

“Young Master, as you probably have guessed right now, doesn’t come from a normal family. His Grandfather is an extremely important figure in the Chinese government. And his parents own one of the biggest company in China. They need young master to follow through their step. But young master is sick. He needs to give his parents an heir before his illness claims him –Oh God forbid.” The butler takes a deep breath.

 

Sehun feels a stone being dropped to the pit of his stomach. He can’t believe that Luhan, his Luhan lives such a life and he’s sick. And by the way the butler says it, it’s a life-threatening disease. Sehun feels so stupid and selfish right now. While he was wallowing in self-pity, Luhan is fighting an actual battle. And he might have worsened it for him.

 

“Please tell me how to reach Luhan! Is he inside? Please let me talk to him!” Sehun tries to get passed the door but the butler doesn’t let him.

 

“He’s not inside! Didn’t you hear a thing I said? Young master needs to give an _heir_ and therefore it was vital to him to get married to the woman that was handpicked by master and milady. BUT YOU!,” the butler points his finger at Sehun, “You almost ruined it all. You got in my master’s way. The future perfectly sculptured for him was almost vanished because of you! So do him a favor and stop looking for him!”

 

Sehun can feel a knife stabbed his heart. Luhan did love him. But he ruined it all by not giving the other a chance to explain himself. If only he was more patience. If only he cared more about the other than his own pain.

 

“Please, please I beg you, tell me how I can reach Luhan? I need to apologize to him. Please, if you don’t want your Young Master to live the remaining of his life with a wounded heart, you gotta tell me how I can reach him!”

 

The butler seems like his resolve is shaken. He sighs then tells Sehun, “wait here!” before he goes into the villa.

 

He comes back not too long after with a letter in his hand. “Young Master asked me to wait at this Villa with this letter in case his “beach boy” comes back. That was 9 months ago. I don’t really know about the Young Master’s whereabouts right now. I only know that Young Master is getting his treatment in Korea. I hope you the best of luck. I can’t help you more than this. Now if you don’t mind, I still have things to do.”

 

The butler goes back inside the villa, clicking the door shut. Sehun is left with a letter enclosed in an envelope. He’s afraid to open it because he doesn’t know what he will face. But since his vacation is about facing his own feelings, he braves himself into opening the envelope and reads through the letter.

 

What he reads give him a new resolve. He immediately goes back to his villa and packs things up. He has someone to follow and a lover to find.

 

*

_“Dear, Sehun._

_I know you’re mad at me. I know I hurt you really bad. But I want you to know that it was never my intention to. I never want to hurt you. Before I met you, you were already an important figure to me. A star in my dark sky. You’re a breath of fresh air._

_Then I got a once in a lifetime chance. A fan spending time together with their idol, it’s a dream comes true. But you gave me more than that. You didn’t only give me your time, but also your heart. That will forever be my biggest guilt. To hurt you after you lay your heart out to me. I don’t deserve forgiveness, but selfishly I hope you’ll find it in yourself to forgive me._

_And if you do, I hope you’ll follow through. I know I’m hoping for way too much, but I take a leap of faith in you. If in any case you get your hands on this letter, then you must have heard about my predicament. Lao Gao might be a bit stern but I know I can always count on him. Therefore, with confidence I can say that he’ll leave the Villa as soon as the job I assigned him for -making sure this letter reaches you- is done. He’ll try to get back to my side, as he has thought of me as his own brother. If you want to meet me, even if it’s just for the last time, even if it’s just to resolve things between us, then follow him._

_I’m sorry things have to be like this._

_And in case I couldn’t meet you before my last breathe…_

_Then I don’t want to regret never saying it to you._

_I love you, Oh Sehun._

_Always._

_Luhan.”_

_*_

_I’ll search the universe_

_Until I can find you again_

_I won’t let go, even the smallest memories_

_Memories engraved in the seasons_

_They come back_

_So I will find you_

_Because that’s love_

_Because it’s love_

 

 

 

 

Author's note : I never have confidence in my writings (not that I have written a lot), but I hope some of you who read this can enjoy it. I hope it's not too hard to endure. Also, please tell me your thought about this fic. Thank you for reading J

**Author's Note:**

> Author's note : I never have confidence in my writings (not that I have written a lot), but I hope some of you who read this can enjoy it. I hope it's not too hard to endure. Also, please tell me your thought about this fic. Thank you for reading


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